Les Anglais ont débarqué...

"I'll knock your bloody block off"

Yes, les Anglais ont débarqué, or “The English are coming”. Normally I wouldn’t think too much about reading this status update. It was apparently written to announce the fact that I and three friends were making their way to Paris and so I chose to believe it was the French way of writing, “Super, some lovely Rosbifs are coming for a spot of tea and a chinwag”. I expected a buzz across the channel. After all, we’re exotic and exciting and English. I was a little perturbed however, by the sheer amount of social networking traffic surrounding the update (all incomprehensible to me as a mere unilingual by the way), and I began to think there was something I wasn’t quite getting. What I discovered led me to ponder the relationship between the French and the English in a little more detail... 

So, by now you know the sentence isn’t to be taken literally and that there is in fact a deeper meaning to the 4 words. Now I wouldn’t blame you for thinking that there is a jizz-based gag hidden in there somewhere. Indeed, the word “coming” has never quite been the same since early adolescence (Maybe that says something about the English sense of humour, or maybe just my own...). But alas these ‘spermy’ connotations were not intended by this little French four-word sentence (Shame really. A good jizz-based gag has the potential to be quite funny, if a little crude). The theme of bodily fluids does have us in the right ball park however...

To understand which one exactly, we simply have to look back (quite bluntly) at the history between England and France. Their war filled past is no secret and it seems the two were always having a bit of a tiff. So much so in fact, that the English coming to France became synonymous with fighting, pillaging and crucially, bloodshed. The cry of Les Anglais ont débarqué was very much one of fear and terror – sadly it often meant much French blood would be spilled. (I’d like to take the opportunity to apologise to any French people for my country’s naughty behaviour, but you lot were no angels yourselves!)

This cry, however has come to represent a very specific type of blood being spilled these days. Without getting too gory, let’s just say that we are referring to that which occurs monthly, lasts for about a week and is a particular issue for females (although the knock-on effect this has on the male population should not be ignored!). Essentially, and somewhat unfavourably, the arrival of the English is used to refer to the nuisance of menstruation. I’m a little disturbed by that and wonder what this must say for the relationship between us and the French. I’d be very interested to hear any interpretations or comments about les Anglais ont débarqué, from both an English and French point of view. Crucially, exactly how worried should I be now that I live amongst these people who think of me as ‘the blob’? I wonder what a Scot(t) would say?

Either way, I think these pictures show that bygones truly can be bygones. France, Nous vous aimons, and we know you love us just a little bit too. Now give us a kiss!